Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Fall, the serpent and the magician
Brief post today. Just got back from this weeks tarot card. The magician. The Transparent Intelligence. This card depicts the ideal state of consciousness for creation to occur. its number is 1, symbolizing focus, concentration, creativity. It is also observation, necessary for any progression of any kind. We can not make progress without first observing the conditions within which we are working, or trying to effect change.
I have been down on myself. Old patterns die hard. Impossible, i say to myself. I feel despondent at all the time I have wasted not drawing. I look at people 10 years younger than me and think that I will never be that good. Why bother?
Of course, these voices or internal dialog are just bad programming. Everyone has learned what they do, through toil and work and repetition. That is one big lesson- repetition. And time. It all takes time. Thus the old alchemical saying "festina lente" which, for the non Latin inclined, means "make haste slowly." (And just for the record, I am one of those non-Latin inclined. However, reading lots of alchemical literature, one gets accustomed to certain phrases.)
In alchemy, the matter being worked on had to decay before it could be worked with. The Masters called this process putrefaction. The matter would break down into its component parts, an almost black tarry sludge. It was from this that the elements of the philosophers stone would be built; and the putrefaction was a means of breaking up the matter to get at the various parts.
This process is symbolized by Scorpio, which rules, as it so happens, the reproductive organs. This is where the creative force tends to reside in man. It is the libido, the creative force from which all forms spring. In the human machine, it can be directed outwards in the production of offspring, or external reproduction, or it can be internally directed, up the spine to the head, where the force finds expression in the mental faculties of creativity.
This force is symbolized in various ways in tarot. In the fool, last weeks card, the sun in the top corner is situated in the corner of the scorpion (on keys 10 and 21) which of course corresponds to Scorpio. It is the infinite life energy, chi or prajna, the Ruach. Its physical manifestation and symbol is the sun. This same energy is in us and expresses itself through us.
What does this have to do with the magician? Well, the "magician" is a master of creative expression. The life power flows through the magician, as the magician has rendered himself into a clear and fit channel for the one life. He is a healthy symbol for the ego, the "I" in us, which is a point of focus for this infinite energy, and which the magician directs to create works of change, of art- he is a mediator between this Infinite Force ("God") and the environment.
As well, we see a serpent on the magician, a serpent biting its own tail. Traditionally this is called the Ouroboros, and represents eternity, infinity, creation, infinite energy. The serpent force, which we will come to eventually, is about the magicians waste, and holds on his white robe, symbol of his being clothed with the pure perception of reality. As well, the sign scorpio, related to the tarot card death, is associated with the Hebrew letter Nun, which literally means "a serpent." (and on an interesting side note, the season related to Scorpio is fall, and of course contains Halloween in its turnings...)
Thus we see the roses and lilies, both creations of human intervention, "cultivated" flowers. They rise up from the ground, which is symbolic of the subconsciousness. The magician using his wand (paint-brush or pencil perhaps?) channels the creative force downwards through himself, and thus out through to the environment. His tools are his means by which proper change is effected.
I bring all this up because this card, and this day, was a nice little recharge. I put down the pen, and just was today. I pondered, i reflected. I try so hard, and I get myself down. But through focus, concentration, and observation, one can learn. Anything can be learned. though one must not be afraid to fail.
If one persists at something, it is inevitable that the current conditions of ones self and life will have to be broken down. There are always habits we have picked up which will resist our attempts at change. Any desire we formulate will be other than where we are, thus the conditions within which we find ourselves in at the time that we formulate the desire must be broken down. We must change ourselves, which takes on the energy of a small death.
The Tarot are a means by which we can begin to reformulate the image of ourselves, and our capabilities. As we learn their symbols, we are giving instructions to our subconsciousness to change parts of ourselves. The images are clear and clean suggestions of different parts of ourselves; 22 facets of our consciousness, as well as the consciousness of God. By them we align ourselves with the force which created us; we make the inner like the outer, the microcosm like the macrocosm. The cards are a magical alphabet of sorts. They are to magick what the periodic table is to chemistry; and as the periodic table defines the elements of the outer world, so to do the tarot define the elements of inner consciousness.
It would seem that this blog is becoming progressively more aligned with my esoteric pursuits as it is about my artistic pursuits; which does not really surprise me, as I am now viewing these two as one. Most of the great Masters I admire and aspire to were devoted to the mystical and creative life- being such as Michaelangelo, Raphael, Titian, Leonardo, many nameless alchemical artists, Van Gogh, Alex Grey... art can be a vessel for Divine Revelation.
So perhaps I will blog more about my esoteric pursuits here as well, as I learn to integrate them into my artistic path. I will bring in more later. For now, shower and some more tarot work.
I have been down on myself. Old patterns die hard. Impossible, i say to myself. I feel despondent at all the time I have wasted not drawing. I look at people 10 years younger than me and think that I will never be that good. Why bother?
Of course, these voices or internal dialog are just bad programming. Everyone has learned what they do, through toil and work and repetition. That is one big lesson- repetition. And time. It all takes time. Thus the old alchemical saying "festina lente" which, for the non Latin inclined, means "make haste slowly." (And just for the record, I am one of those non-Latin inclined. However, reading lots of alchemical literature, one gets accustomed to certain phrases.)
In alchemy, the matter being worked on had to decay before it could be worked with. The Masters called this process putrefaction. The matter would break down into its component parts, an almost black tarry sludge. It was from this that the elements of the philosophers stone would be built; and the putrefaction was a means of breaking up the matter to get at the various parts.
This process is symbolized by Scorpio, which rules, as it so happens, the reproductive organs. This is where the creative force tends to reside in man. It is the libido, the creative force from which all forms spring. In the human machine, it can be directed outwards in the production of offspring, or external reproduction, or it can be internally directed, up the spine to the head, where the force finds expression in the mental faculties of creativity.
This force is symbolized in various ways in tarot. In the fool, last weeks card, the sun in the top corner is situated in the corner of the scorpion (on keys 10 and 21) which of course corresponds to Scorpio. It is the infinite life energy, chi or prajna, the Ruach. Its physical manifestation and symbol is the sun. This same energy is in us and expresses itself through us.
What does this have to do with the magician? Well, the "magician" is a master of creative expression. The life power flows through the magician, as the magician has rendered himself into a clear and fit channel for the one life. He is a healthy symbol for the ego, the "I" in us, which is a point of focus for this infinite energy, and which the magician directs to create works of change, of art- he is a mediator between this Infinite Force ("God") and the environment.
As well, we see a serpent on the magician, a serpent biting its own tail. Traditionally this is called the Ouroboros, and represents eternity, infinity, creation, infinite energy. The serpent force, which we will come to eventually, is about the magicians waste, and holds on his white robe, symbol of his being clothed with the pure perception of reality. As well, the sign scorpio, related to the tarot card death, is associated with the Hebrew letter Nun, which literally means "a serpent." (and on an interesting side note, the season related to Scorpio is fall, and of course contains Halloween in its turnings...)
Thus we see the roses and lilies, both creations of human intervention, "cultivated" flowers. They rise up from the ground, which is symbolic of the subconsciousness. The magician using his wand (paint-brush or pencil perhaps?) channels the creative force downwards through himself, and thus out through to the environment. His tools are his means by which proper change is effected.
Care of Alex Grey
If one persists at something, it is inevitable that the current conditions of ones self and life will have to be broken down. There are always habits we have picked up which will resist our attempts at change. Any desire we formulate will be other than where we are, thus the conditions within which we find ourselves in at the time that we formulate the desire must be broken down. We must change ourselves, which takes on the energy of a small death.
The Tarot are a means by which we can begin to reformulate the image of ourselves, and our capabilities. As we learn their symbols, we are giving instructions to our subconsciousness to change parts of ourselves. The images are clear and clean suggestions of different parts of ourselves; 22 facets of our consciousness, as well as the consciousness of God. By them we align ourselves with the force which created us; we make the inner like the outer, the microcosm like the macrocosm. The cards are a magical alphabet of sorts. They are to magick what the periodic table is to chemistry; and as the periodic table defines the elements of the outer world, so to do the tarot define the elements of inner consciousness.
It would seem that this blog is becoming progressively more aligned with my esoteric pursuits as it is about my artistic pursuits; which does not really surprise me, as I am now viewing these two as one. Most of the great Masters I admire and aspire to were devoted to the mystical and creative life- being such as Michaelangelo, Raphael, Titian, Leonardo, many nameless alchemical artists, Van Gogh, Alex Grey... art can be a vessel for Divine Revelation.
So perhaps I will blog more about my esoteric pursuits here as well, as I learn to integrate them into my artistic path. I will bring in more later. For now, shower and some more tarot work.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Life drawing
Just got back from life drawing. New location. Artists 25 studio. Small, very nice, good lighting and a good deal (2.5 hours for $8.)
a few 2 minute or so gestures.
10 minutes
5 minutes
5 minutes
10 minutes
20 minutes
Been having a lot of struggle today. I knew that getting back to my art would open a lot and be hard, but I hadn't realized how hard. I have so much energy that I am on the brink of bursting. It is almost painful. So much judgement, so much self criticism. Badly programmed brain.
I have second guessed myself multiple times today, wondering whether I can really do it, if I have the ability. It is so frustrating have so much I want to express and yet not being able to. Hand just doesn't respond, doesn't follow. I don't have the tools yet. I struggle.
I won't give up however. I don't have anything left except this, and I won't let this go. i will struggle on.
festina lente.
need a hand?
As I said earlier, I am working on hands, and I would post my explorations soon. So here they are. I have been looking at a variety of references, though the main book I am working from is "Figure Drawing: Design and Invention" by Michael Hampton. It present an excellent system for building up form from simpler structures. It is also really helping me to think in terms of basic forms.
Hands are great practice at this, as they are essentially many simple forms organized in a dynamic and complex relationship. They are also highly expressive and show many variations. The other great things about hands is that you carry them around with you. You always have a model hand to draw if there is nothing else.
This happens to me a lot, thinking I have nothing to draw. This is of course stupid, and also just an excuse; as there is ALWAYS something to draw. However. having a hand on me just means that I have really no excuse, as they are fun, expressive and challenging.
So here are some hands I have done this past week or so. I'll post more as I do them.
Structural studies from the above mentioned book.
The basic form of the palm area. A modified rectangle.
Finger forms. Built up from lines and sphere to cylinders, and then joints and flesh.
More joint studies.
Applying what I have learned.
More application.
A few more polished off drawings showing volume and form.
Such are a few hands.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
May suffer from over sensitivity
Just got back from Life drawing at the Toronto School of Art. This is great life drawing. Excellent models, 3 solid hours of drawing, and only $10. They run them 3 days a week, with 3 separate sessions on Sunday alone. That is 9 hours of life drawing. Soon I will do this- sadly most of my Sundays this month are booked solid.
Today was pretty good. Gestures are still too uptight. I am finding that my internal dialog is not vibrant enough, nor am I loose enough. I suppose being out of practice for so long will do that to you.
I think the biggest thing I learned today was about sensitivity. When I am open, I can be a very sensitive person- sensitive to images, sounds, emotions; especially when it comes to the human form. It is just so beautiful! Over the years I have created many defenses for this, for a number of a reasons. The bottom line, though, is that for an artist, having walls up is bad.
As soon as I found myself being more open, more accepting, and more sensitive- basically "trying" less, and "feeling" more, my drawing began to open up. There is some intangible essence or power that comes through when we open.
Thomas Aquinas said "Our whole business in this life is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen."
It is a long practice, life long; but each moment, each new experience, gives us an opportunity to open more- to look, and to SEE. To see into a thing, to pierce its external shell, and to really know it form the inside. The only way we can do this, however, is by opening up ourselves. Our heart is the means by which we perceive this inner essence. No heart, no sight.
"Art does not reproduce the visible; rather, it makes visible." - Paul Klee
What we see with our eyes is a veil, a covering. It lies to us. Real sight is had with the whole being, the Eye of the Soul. The only way to get there is by being sensitive. Being sensitive to each line, each movement, each nuance.
I found that if I relaxed, this opened me up more. Relaxed my line, removed pressure, exhaled and surrendered. This is hard however. We have so much tension most of the time, and so many internal dialogs. Besides training in the tools, it is just as essential to train in ways to release, and to be sensitive to everything around us. When we are judgmental, when we enter with preconceptions, we are closed off. We must let go.
This, I know, will be an ongoing process. To get that out, to get out of my own way, is the first big hurdle. To learn how to stop the train of judgmental thoughts. Otherwise, progress will be slow. I need to push myself.
Okay, here are some photos from the session. I am hoping to get my real camera online and start getting better pictures of these- so bare with me...
Thats it for now. I am working on Hands a lot recently. Ill post up some thoughts and sketches soon.
Today was pretty good. Gestures are still too uptight. I am finding that my internal dialog is not vibrant enough, nor am I loose enough. I suppose being out of practice for so long will do that to you.
I think the biggest thing I learned today was about sensitivity. When I am open, I can be a very sensitive person- sensitive to images, sounds, emotions; especially when it comes to the human form. It is just so beautiful! Over the years I have created many defenses for this, for a number of a reasons. The bottom line, though, is that for an artist, having walls up is bad.
As soon as I found myself being more open, more accepting, and more sensitive- basically "trying" less, and "feeling" more, my drawing began to open up. There is some intangible essence or power that comes through when we open.
Thomas Aquinas said "Our whole business in this life is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen."
It is a long practice, life long; but each moment, each new experience, gives us an opportunity to open more- to look, and to SEE. To see into a thing, to pierce its external shell, and to really know it form the inside. The only way we can do this, however, is by opening up ourselves. Our heart is the means by which we perceive this inner essence. No heart, no sight.
"Art does not reproduce the visible; rather, it makes visible." - Paul Klee
What we see with our eyes is a veil, a covering. It lies to us. Real sight is had with the whole being, the Eye of the Soul. The only way to get there is by being sensitive. Being sensitive to each line, each movement, each nuance.
I found that if I relaxed, this opened me up more. Relaxed my line, removed pressure, exhaled and surrendered. This is hard however. We have so much tension most of the time, and so many internal dialogs. Besides training in the tools, it is just as essential to train in ways to release, and to be sensitive to everything around us. When we are judgmental, when we enter with preconceptions, we are closed off. We must let go.
This, I know, will be an ongoing process. To get that out, to get out of my own way, is the first big hurdle. To learn how to stop the train of judgmental thoughts. Otherwise, progress will be slow. I need to push myself.
Okay, here are some photos from the session. I am hoping to get my real camera online and start getting better pictures of these- so bare with me...
warm up doodle
5 minutes. This is where I started being a little more sensitive to my line-work.
5 minutes. Proportions are a bit off, but I like the form.
10 minutes.
10 minutes.
20 minutes
20 minutes
Thats it for now. I am working on Hands a lot recently. Ill post up some thoughts and sketches soon.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
rainy day Fool
Another day gone by. Not a lot of drawing done today. One of those days.
Finding now the largest struggle is with myself as a critic. I am in the habit of restricting my desire for perfection due to my fear of being wrong. fear seizes me, i can't flow or express, which is the death toll of the creative process.
Even though i know no one will look in my sketchbook, i still edit myself, judge myself, emotionally critique myself. I pass value judgement- which is the last thing I want to do at this point.
I went to a tarot circle tonight, which we hold every week, exploring the teachings and mysteries contained in the traditional correspondences to the major arcana of the tarot. I am sure I will get into here at some point... but I would digress too much...
The card we were on was the Fool, pictured above, the "first" card in the series. This card basically symbolizes the Living Light, the experiential nature of Reality; luminous Awareness, Presence, super-consciousness, God, etc. It is both transcendent to and imminent within our lives, our world, and ourselves. It is the Life Breathe, the Ruach of judaic mysticism, Chi or Prana, etc. It is the Self, with a capital "S". The One Self. It is basically the source of all creativity and inspiration; the empty valley from which all things come.
Why do I bring this up? Well, it is the goal, in my mind, and in the opinion of Alex Grey and other great mystical artists, that this is the state from which great art is created. This is the state of "no-mindedness" of the Zen practitioner; the wu wei, doing without doing, of Taoism. The best art is done in a state where the "artist" is not present- there is only the Creative force working through one.
The goal then? To train oneself in ones technique, then to forget and get out of ones own way- to just let it flow. Thus the Fool- the symbol of innocence, untarnished youth, exploration, curiosity, no value judgement (or really judgments of any kind) just pure awareness and presence.
This state has been called Samadhi, when the viewer and the viewed, the subject and the object, are unified or experienced as a single thing. This is the aim of Yoga- a word which basically translates as "union." To be so absorbed in the model, subject or visualized image that we bring forth in our drawing the nature, essence of soul of the thing drawn.
All of the symbolism of this card points us to that experience, hints at the nature of the Creative Energy and its expression... but the symbol here, the reason I bring this up in terms of my dealings with judgments, fears, etc. is the small white dog. Let me explain.
Here, we see the dog happy, following along at his masters heels. The dog itself is small, probably one of those over energetic, yappy dogs we all see around. It can't keep its attention anywhere. In some older decks, it was shown biting the heel of the fool, perhaps showing that the mind needs to be trained. Here we see an image of the proper use by us of this Life Power. The mind must be trained.
This has been on my mind a lot, this training of the mind. I will never accomplish my goal of mastering my drawing and art tools if my mind is allowed free reign. The habits I have programmed into my mind are quite detrimental, some caused by emotional repression, by negative association to art, pressure to succeed and to produce, to please other people... all of these are habits of the mind.
When I am sitting and drawing, or trying to sketch, it does me no good passing judgments about my own self worth. yet my mind does it. What is the cure? To discipline my mind. Not with aggression or negative input- for as anyone who has trained an animal knows, being loud and angry will only upset the animal. One needs to be firm, but gentle and kind, constantly- especially a wounded animal, such as one who has had a history of abuse.
One habit many people are trained in, including myself, is self punishment. I have beaten myself up for a long time, especially my creative side. It is very much like a wounded animal.
So what is my "sure" here? Well, for one thing, constantly drawing. If I beat myself up because I am not good enough, the easy cure is getting good. How do I get better? I draw. More. All the time. No matter how horrible i may think it is, I keep doing it. i work what i have till I get better. No magic solution other than hard work.
But that means that these voices, these words and thought patterns, will keep arising, like the yappy dog, trying to distract me. I need to recognize that I am no my patterns, i am not my thoughts, and keep going. Acknowledge the dog, but treat it firmly and gently that this is not good behavior.
I try to tell my mind that it would be much more helpful if it gave me positive affirmations like "you will be that good eventually if you work harder," and "of course I can do it." Telling myself "you're not good enough, you can't do it and you may as well just stop now" is not going to help me.
It is mind training, and also word training. The speech we use has a huge effect on us. If I don't think i can do something that it is in the nature of humans to be able to do- such as beautiful art- than I am imposing an artificial limitation. I CAN do it if I try- I may fail a lot, but eventually I will get there.
No energy put out is wasted. All energy put out will be returned in kind. If I devote all my energy to self-development, to self-mastery, then that is what I will get. If I putter my time is frivolous pursuits, like video games, TV, pointless talk with friends, then that is what I will get.
This also means that the path to Mastery, of Art, of Magic and Mysticism, and of Life in general, is one of discipline, of sacrifice, and of determination. You NEED desire. If you don;t burn with desire for a thing, than you probably will get side tracked trying to achieve it. God knows I have a long history of this.
Of course, only time will tell if this new desire to master art is strong enough to keep up the energy and discipline to do this thing.
I will leave off with a quote from the book Force I am working through...
"FEAR
You are probably wondering how fear would have anything to do with drawing, but it has everything to do with it. Fear kills passion. Fear is the most detrimental attribute a student could have. The greatest fear is the fear of failing which in this case is creating a "bad" drawing. remember, if you are drawing in order to capture the humanity of the model, you will become unconcerned about your drawing. Be aware of your experience and just stay present with the model. There is no failing, only results. Be courageous and push yourself to new heights. Besides, what is going to happen if you make a "bad" decision? You will learn from it. The more results you make, the faster you will reach your destination. It is not as if we are skydiving. You will always land safely, no matter how great the risks you take. Consider yourself the ultimate stunt person.
Pay attention to your internal dialogue. It will reveal your fears."
Finding now the largest struggle is with myself as a critic. I am in the habit of restricting my desire for perfection due to my fear of being wrong. fear seizes me, i can't flow or express, which is the death toll of the creative process.
Even though i know no one will look in my sketchbook, i still edit myself, judge myself, emotionally critique myself. I pass value judgement- which is the last thing I want to do at this point.
I went to a tarot circle tonight, which we hold every week, exploring the teachings and mysteries contained in the traditional correspondences to the major arcana of the tarot. I am sure I will get into here at some point... but I would digress too much...
The card we were on was the Fool, pictured above, the "first" card in the series. This card basically symbolizes the Living Light, the experiential nature of Reality; luminous Awareness, Presence, super-consciousness, God, etc. It is both transcendent to and imminent within our lives, our world, and ourselves. It is the Life Breathe, the Ruach of judaic mysticism, Chi or Prana, etc. It is the Self, with a capital "S". The One Self. It is basically the source of all creativity and inspiration; the empty valley from which all things come.
Why do I bring this up? Well, it is the goal, in my mind, and in the opinion of Alex Grey and other great mystical artists, that this is the state from which great art is created. This is the state of "no-mindedness" of the Zen practitioner; the wu wei, doing without doing, of Taoism. The best art is done in a state where the "artist" is not present- there is only the Creative force working through one.
The goal then? To train oneself in ones technique, then to forget and get out of ones own way- to just let it flow. Thus the Fool- the symbol of innocence, untarnished youth, exploration, curiosity, no value judgement (or really judgments of any kind) just pure awareness and presence.
This state has been called Samadhi, when the viewer and the viewed, the subject and the object, are unified or experienced as a single thing. This is the aim of Yoga- a word which basically translates as "union." To be so absorbed in the model, subject or visualized image that we bring forth in our drawing the nature, essence of soul of the thing drawn.
All of the symbolism of this card points us to that experience, hints at the nature of the Creative Energy and its expression... but the symbol here, the reason I bring this up in terms of my dealings with judgments, fears, etc. is the small white dog. Let me explain.
Here, we see the dog happy, following along at his masters heels. The dog itself is small, probably one of those over energetic, yappy dogs we all see around. It can't keep its attention anywhere. In some older decks, it was shown biting the heel of the fool, perhaps showing that the mind needs to be trained. Here we see an image of the proper use by us of this Life Power. The mind must be trained.
This has been on my mind a lot, this training of the mind. I will never accomplish my goal of mastering my drawing and art tools if my mind is allowed free reign. The habits I have programmed into my mind are quite detrimental, some caused by emotional repression, by negative association to art, pressure to succeed and to produce, to please other people... all of these are habits of the mind.
When I am sitting and drawing, or trying to sketch, it does me no good passing judgments about my own self worth. yet my mind does it. What is the cure? To discipline my mind. Not with aggression or negative input- for as anyone who has trained an animal knows, being loud and angry will only upset the animal. One needs to be firm, but gentle and kind, constantly- especially a wounded animal, such as one who has had a history of abuse.
One habit many people are trained in, including myself, is self punishment. I have beaten myself up for a long time, especially my creative side. It is very much like a wounded animal.
So what is my "sure" here? Well, for one thing, constantly drawing. If I beat myself up because I am not good enough, the easy cure is getting good. How do I get better? I draw. More. All the time. No matter how horrible i may think it is, I keep doing it. i work what i have till I get better. No magic solution other than hard work.
But that means that these voices, these words and thought patterns, will keep arising, like the yappy dog, trying to distract me. I need to recognize that I am no my patterns, i am not my thoughts, and keep going. Acknowledge the dog, but treat it firmly and gently that this is not good behavior.
I try to tell my mind that it would be much more helpful if it gave me positive affirmations like "you will be that good eventually if you work harder," and "of course I can do it." Telling myself "you're not good enough, you can't do it and you may as well just stop now" is not going to help me.
It is mind training, and also word training. The speech we use has a huge effect on us. If I don't think i can do something that it is in the nature of humans to be able to do- such as beautiful art- than I am imposing an artificial limitation. I CAN do it if I try- I may fail a lot, but eventually I will get there.
No energy put out is wasted. All energy put out will be returned in kind. If I devote all my energy to self-development, to self-mastery, then that is what I will get. If I putter my time is frivolous pursuits, like video games, TV, pointless talk with friends, then that is what I will get.
This also means that the path to Mastery, of Art, of Magic and Mysticism, and of Life in general, is one of discipline, of sacrifice, and of determination. You NEED desire. If you don;t burn with desire for a thing, than you probably will get side tracked trying to achieve it. God knows I have a long history of this.
Of course, only time will tell if this new desire to master art is strong enough to keep up the energy and discipline to do this thing.
I will leave off with a quote from the book Force I am working through...
"FEAR
You are probably wondering how fear would have anything to do with drawing, but it has everything to do with it. Fear kills passion. Fear is the most detrimental attribute a student could have. The greatest fear is the fear of failing which in this case is creating a "bad" drawing. remember, if you are drawing in order to capture the humanity of the model, you will become unconcerned about your drawing. Be aware of your experience and just stay present with the model. There is no failing, only results. Be courageous and push yourself to new heights. Besides, what is going to happen if you make a "bad" decision? You will learn from it. The more results you make, the faster you will reach your destination. It is not as if we are skydiving. You will always land safely, no matter how great the risks you take. Consider yourself the ultimate stunt person.
Pay attention to your internal dialogue. It will reveal your fears."
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Keyhole Sessions- life drawing with spice
Just got back from Tuesday night life drawing. This was my first time to this session; it is rather unique. The models dress in kinky clothes, and strip down, and for the second half, another model comes out and both models are in rope bondage of sorts (check it out here) . A nice change of pace from regular life drawing.
I also picked up a new life drawing book today, called "Force: Dynamic Lifedrawing for Animators." A book dealing with a method of looking at Force in a model- where the energy flows, etc. A great book for drawing dynamic and active compositions; and chock full of great insights. His reasoning and thought process if phenomenal, as are his insights into ways to break the model down.
One thing I have found that makes a good life drawing book is the logic of its method- it builds upwards, from gesture through form and structure and volume, with each stepping leading naturally from the last. The eye is something that needs to be trained- you can't draw what you can't see (or visualize.) Most of us never really LOOK at things. We make assumptions about what we see. Learning to draw is learning to communicate information with line, learning how to see with your hand.
One of my favorite insights so far from this book is thus:
I tried to bring some of the ideas from this book into todays life drawing. I was disappointed, however, that I didn't get a seat that allowed me a full pad of newsprint. So I worked in my sketchbook, a little smaller that is proper for getting big sweeping curves and lines. There also were not enough short poses for my taste. I like a good 10 one minutes in a row to really warm up, then maybe 5 two's. Oh well.
Here are some of my drawings from today. I am not happy with most of them (but I never am. ) I am learning that it is all a learning experience. Thomas Edison once said "I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." An error is only a mistake if you don't learn from it.
The hard part is putting my images up for the internet to see. But, that is the whole point of this blog exercise...
Enjoy.
I also picked up a new life drawing book today, called "Force: Dynamic Lifedrawing for Animators." A book dealing with a method of looking at Force in a model- where the energy flows, etc. A great book for drawing dynamic and active compositions; and chock full of great insights. His reasoning and thought process if phenomenal, as are his insights into ways to break the model down.
One thing I have found that makes a good life drawing book is the logic of its method- it builds upwards, from gesture through form and structure and volume, with each stepping leading naturally from the last. The eye is something that needs to be trained- you can't draw what you can't see (or visualize.) Most of us never really LOOK at things. We make assumptions about what we see. Learning to draw is learning to communicate information with line, learning how to see with your hand.
One of my favorite insights so far from this book is thus:
"As important as line is, remember that the drawing are not about line. They are about ideas. The line is your idea. Don't do a drawing for the sake of beautiful lines. Create a drawing that expresses your experience."This is something I am really trying to hammer home. A good drawing is alive- a good drawing does not try to copy, but rather gets at the inner essence of a thing. It is not a reproduction, it is a communication. At its best, a good drawing communicates something to the viewer to help them really SEE the subject. It is about expressing an idea- and the artists tools are lines, shapes, forms, various visual cues to do this. If we wanted perfect copies, we would just take a picture. A good artist brings life to a drawing.
I tried to bring some of the ideas from this book into todays life drawing. I was disappointed, however, that I didn't get a seat that allowed me a full pad of newsprint. So I worked in my sketchbook, a little smaller that is proper for getting big sweeping curves and lines. There also were not enough short poses for my taste. I like a good 10 one minutes in a row to really warm up, then maybe 5 two's. Oh well.
Here are some of my drawings from today. I am not happy with most of them (but I never am. ) I am learning that it is all a learning experience. Thomas Edison once said "I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." An error is only a mistake if you don't learn from it.
The hard part is putting my images up for the internet to see. But, that is the whole point of this blog exercise...
Enjoy.
10 minute
10 minute
5 minute
20 minute
25 minute
20 minute
10 minute
Monday, October 11, 2010
From the mouths of angels
I used to look at peoples art, people who i wanted to be able to draw like, and i used to think it was magic what they did. I used to think they were born with it. Sometimes people would tell me I was a great artist, that i was talented, and I always scoffed, I always felt like it wasn't true, because there were the people who were better than me, and that I would never be able to do what they do. I used to think that people were just born with talent, knowing how to draw amazing...
But you know what my big revelation has been? It may not seem huge, but to me it is liberating. It is that all those people who are amazing had to work their asses off. They might have been born with some talent, but they worked it. They sacrificed hours of their time every day drawing and creating.
Why do they do it? Some may do it out of competition, or pride, or jealousy... but I think those are few. It takes a lot to sustain a long term determination. I think they did it because they love it. That is the real secret, the one that you can't read about. You have to feel it. You have to love it to do it that much. They love to draw, and in drawing all the time, they get better.
Not to say that it doesn't suck at times, at times you hate it. You feel like shit, you just can't create anything good, you beat yourself up, but you keep doing it. Every day. Because you love it.
This may seem obvious to some people. But to me, the idea that if I do it enough, I will get better is astounding. There is no magic formula- or rather there is, but it isn't easy. It is simple. Do it every day. Work, work and more work. Constantly. If I had only realized this years ago, I would have saved myself years of searching. I was always looking outside myself. but what I really wanted was with me all along, just begging to be exercised.
This can be hard going to realize. I see people whose art I love, and I want to be able to do it so badly. then I compare, and I feel like crap. I can feel hopeless. I felt so hopeless at one point I gave up all together. But I just couldn't forget.
So here I am, back again. i am not going to care about my end result- i am going to draw for the sake of drawing. Because I love doing it. Because I don't want to do anything else. If I had to pick one thing to do for the rest of my life, it would be this.
Tomorrow I will post some hands. I have set myself to drawing lots of hands for the next week. Really get to know it. It is a complex form, and is great practice for training the eye to break down into simple shapes. I'll also post up some links to the books I am working on. There are some great methods out there. If you work with them, you will get better.
Man, what a mundane revelation. From the mouths of angels.
But you know what my big revelation has been? It may not seem huge, but to me it is liberating. It is that all those people who are amazing had to work their asses off. They might have been born with some talent, but they worked it. They sacrificed hours of their time every day drawing and creating.
Why do they do it? Some may do it out of competition, or pride, or jealousy... but I think those are few. It takes a lot to sustain a long term determination. I think they did it because they love it. That is the real secret, the one that you can't read about. You have to feel it. You have to love it to do it that much. They love to draw, and in drawing all the time, they get better.
Not to say that it doesn't suck at times, at times you hate it. You feel like shit, you just can't create anything good, you beat yourself up, but you keep doing it. Every day. Because you love it.
This may seem obvious to some people. But to me, the idea that if I do it enough, I will get better is astounding. There is no magic formula- or rather there is, but it isn't easy. It is simple. Do it every day. Work, work and more work. Constantly. If I had only realized this years ago, I would have saved myself years of searching. I was always looking outside myself. but what I really wanted was with me all along, just begging to be exercised.
This can be hard going to realize. I see people whose art I love, and I want to be able to do it so badly. then I compare, and I feel like crap. I can feel hopeless. I felt so hopeless at one point I gave up all together. But I just couldn't forget.
So here I am, back again. i am not going to care about my end result- i am going to draw for the sake of drawing. Because I love doing it. Because I don't want to do anything else. If I had to pick one thing to do for the rest of my life, it would be this.
Tomorrow I will post some hands. I have set myself to drawing lots of hands for the next week. Really get to know it. It is a complex form, and is great practice for training the eye to break down into simple shapes. I'll also post up some links to the books I am working on. There are some great methods out there. If you work with them, you will get better.
Man, what a mundane revelation. From the mouths of angels.
Activation
I have struggled with Art for most of my life. I was raised in an art household, and I loved drawing and creating. I went to a highschool specialized for the arts. I learned art history, drawing, sculpture, painting, print making, pottery.
I remember how amazed I was as I learned about Gothic cathedrals. The majesty, the monument to human engineering and artistry. A work of generations! Books in stone, containing in their walls and windows, in their proportions and design, the esoteric mysteries of the world. A monument to the creative spirit. Michaelangelo, his divine visions and inspired art, masterpieces of form and color. The beauty of the great masters!
I remember dwelling in those lofty realms that uplifted the human spirit. I remember wanting to be like those great men of vision- aspiring to be a fit vessel for the divine. To bring to others what these luminous visionaries had brought to me.
My education continued. We started into modernism, and post- modernism. The romance slowly faded. Art had become a commodity. It had become jaded, cynical; cut off from the creative source by denying God when it denied man-made institutions, it withered into a hollow shell. The artist lived for himself, trapped in the confines of this prison of matter, devoid of meaning or spirit.
Following highschool, I enrolled in the Ontario College of Art and Design. I still held to my ideals, I knew deep down there was a higher source of creativity, an inspiring power which granted gifts of vision. I wanted to learn the tools to one day express that Light, if I was to be so gifted with Illumination. I expected proper training. What i got was more post-modern excrement. Tradition was a thing of the past. God was dead. All that was left was a barren shell of culture.
i tried to force visions- I tried to take heaven by storm. I tried hallucinogenic drugs to blast the doors, I tried dancing, derangement of the senses. I did everything I could, screaming to that darkness to let in the light. there was only silence.
I was shattered. My expectations for myself as an artist were high- my spirit and my heart longed to create works of epic beauty. I could not live up to those aspirations, or so I thought. So I quit. I walked away from art. I walked away from a life time of hopes and dreams. The art of post-modern western civilization had broken my heart.
I went into the sciences. I sought meaning everywhere else. I looked in psychology, in biochemistry, and eventually came to Media Studies. The power of human creativity. I began to realize that there IS a Power in us, manifesting itself. It comes out through out imaginations, and is made real by our actions. But I was still lost.
During this long dark period of separation from my own creative source, I finally came by true Teachings. I found my way to a pure stream of the Western Mysteries- Magick, gnosticism, alchemy, hermeticism, tarot. I began studying Buddha Dharma, and vajrayana. I did less and less drugs, began to meditate, undertake Ngundro practices, Tarot study, and I began to find something much deeper, buried inside myself; in the one place I refused to look, the place I was afraid of the most- my art
Now, I stand at the beginning of a new life, a new undertaking. I haven't drawn in 5 years. I have barely produced any art at all in this time. After dropping out of art school, I got a whole other degree, a B.A. but now, now that my life has crumbled, I found a big hole, a longing. My misery for all these years was a longing to create, to make art, to learn to draw like the masters.
So I undertake that now. I am putting aside everything else in my life and undertaking a quest, a mission, to Mastery- mastery of my Mind, of my Spirit, and of my artistic tools. This blog will document that goal. I will post my drawings here, my observations, my thoughts about art as I familiarize myself again with this way of looking at the world. I will post images and artists that inspire me, I will talk about my attempt to make my art a path of spiritual awakening.
I am aspiring to get back to art school, but i need a portfolio in the next 4 months. So I will be preparing that, and I will blog that progress.
If you are reading this, I thank you for your interest. It is my sincere aspiration that this blog, and the example of my life, might help other struggling artists out there know that it can be done. All it takes is practice. Keep drawing. keep creating, more and more and more. There is no replacement to continuous effort. I am terrified of being wrong, of making bad art- but I will keep creating until I make good art.
Let this be a testament to the Spirit of Art.
I remember how amazed I was as I learned about Gothic cathedrals. The majesty, the monument to human engineering and artistry. A work of generations! Books in stone, containing in their walls and windows, in their proportions and design, the esoteric mysteries of the world. A monument to the creative spirit. Michaelangelo, his divine visions and inspired art, masterpieces of form and color. The beauty of the great masters!
I remember dwelling in those lofty realms that uplifted the human spirit. I remember wanting to be like those great men of vision- aspiring to be a fit vessel for the divine. To bring to others what these luminous visionaries had brought to me.
My education continued. We started into modernism, and post- modernism. The romance slowly faded. Art had become a commodity. It had become jaded, cynical; cut off from the creative source by denying God when it denied man-made institutions, it withered into a hollow shell. The artist lived for himself, trapped in the confines of this prison of matter, devoid of meaning or spirit.
Following highschool, I enrolled in the Ontario College of Art and Design. I still held to my ideals, I knew deep down there was a higher source of creativity, an inspiring power which granted gifts of vision. I wanted to learn the tools to one day express that Light, if I was to be so gifted with Illumination. I expected proper training. What i got was more post-modern excrement. Tradition was a thing of the past. God was dead. All that was left was a barren shell of culture.
i tried to force visions- I tried to take heaven by storm. I tried hallucinogenic drugs to blast the doors, I tried dancing, derangement of the senses. I did everything I could, screaming to that darkness to let in the light. there was only silence.
I was shattered. My expectations for myself as an artist were high- my spirit and my heart longed to create works of epic beauty. I could not live up to those aspirations, or so I thought. So I quit. I walked away from art. I walked away from a life time of hopes and dreams. The art of post-modern western civilization had broken my heart.
I went into the sciences. I sought meaning everywhere else. I looked in psychology, in biochemistry, and eventually came to Media Studies. The power of human creativity. I began to realize that there IS a Power in us, manifesting itself. It comes out through out imaginations, and is made real by our actions. But I was still lost.
During this long dark period of separation from my own creative source, I finally came by true Teachings. I found my way to a pure stream of the Western Mysteries- Magick, gnosticism, alchemy, hermeticism, tarot. I began studying Buddha Dharma, and vajrayana. I did less and less drugs, began to meditate, undertake Ngundro practices, Tarot study, and I began to find something much deeper, buried inside myself; in the one place I refused to look, the place I was afraid of the most- my art
Now, I stand at the beginning of a new life, a new undertaking. I haven't drawn in 5 years. I have barely produced any art at all in this time. After dropping out of art school, I got a whole other degree, a B.A. but now, now that my life has crumbled, I found a big hole, a longing. My misery for all these years was a longing to create, to make art, to learn to draw like the masters.
So I undertake that now. I am putting aside everything else in my life and undertaking a quest, a mission, to Mastery- mastery of my Mind, of my Spirit, and of my artistic tools. This blog will document that goal. I will post my drawings here, my observations, my thoughts about art as I familiarize myself again with this way of looking at the world. I will post images and artists that inspire me, I will talk about my attempt to make my art a path of spiritual awakening.
I am aspiring to get back to art school, but i need a portfolio in the next 4 months. So I will be preparing that, and I will blog that progress.
If you are reading this, I thank you for your interest. It is my sincere aspiration that this blog, and the example of my life, might help other struggling artists out there know that it can be done. All it takes is practice. Keep drawing. keep creating, more and more and more. There is no replacement to continuous effort. I am terrified of being wrong, of making bad art- but I will keep creating until I make good art.
Let this be a testament to the Spirit of Art.
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